Let the Wounds Breathe

As parents we all try to do the best we can. But the world is full of unexpected twists and turns. And just when you think, everything you are doing is somehow right, the ground underneath starts to sink and you are knocked out. They say practice makes us perfect. The more you think like a parent, the more you become one, the better you get at remaining neutral and patient and the harder it becomes to fix the wounds.

As the new batch of hormones arrive, our children swipe left, all the efforts we put. So now, there you are, an outdated parent who somehow never understands those, who once were our little angels..!!

Didn’t we feel the same way when we were young? Some of us, just had small arguments with our parents and others had a more traumatic experience. There were times when we raised our voices or deliberately did something to hurt our parents. We look back and sometimes guilt rears its ugly head.

“What you do with the guilt? ”, well it’s absolutely up to you. You can let the guilt swallow your existence or just move on. Children grow with some discontent on how they were treated by their parents or teachers; and that’s absolutely normal. 

The problems start when this discontent turns to bitterness. Some adults always blame their parents for their failures. It’s important to understand this “victim” mentality. The most dangerous situation is when such young adults meet people who fuel that ill feelings. The “victims” start feeling comfortable in that mindset. They accept  this lifestyle to be normal.

When I come across young adults with such problems, I simply ask them to stop whining and to start taking responsibility for their own actions. And I make sure to use a firm tone. My point is, 

“You want to do well in life?? So do it !! Decide.. Is this the life you want to live?  Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? kinder? more compassionate?”

Younger children, sit together and whin about their parents and complain about them to their friends. You can grow up admiring Oprah, follow Mark Zuckerberg who was a college drop out or find your role model anywhere else, the fact remains, that when life offers you the lemon and you make the lemonade and feel proud of it, your parents usually have had the bitter after taste of that lemon. So be grateful !

I agree not every parent is perfect and some children do suffer.  But I guess when you are old enough, its time to rip off that band aid and let the wounds breathe.

When people live together under the same roof, there are bound to be disagreements and arguments as personalities clash and everyone wants to be heard. This is one of the most common teenage problems with parents which may lead to ongoing parent teenager conflict. 

It’s hard to remember, during this more strained period in their relationship, that what each needs from the other is not criticism from blame, but praise for the teenager and appreciation for the parent.