Defining Your ‘COOL’

“Being Cool is being your own self,not doing something that someone else is telling you to do.”

I read this quote in a magazine long back. Yes, the time when social media and meme culture did not exist and hence the magazines. I belong to the time where we loved Bryan Adam’s summers, Shakira’s hips never lied and Enrique was our ‘hero’. We listened to sad and broken women singing barely comprehensible words about flashlights and feeling their way around in the dark. Then there were these quintessential bad boys with jeans so low, their behinds would advertise their underwear brand. And of course, the accompanying finger show was cemented as a part of our cultural lexicon.  All that because everyone wanted to be cool.

The most popular teens weren’t usually the ones with well adjusted personalities, kind natures, and sensible life goals. They were the ones partying too much and making others feel bad about themselves. Adolescence can mean facing the emotional challenges of adults for the first time. Due to higher testosterone, they use their prefrontal cortex to rein in their emotions. Then there is a pea sized insula, tucked away in the cerebral cortex, which is partly responsible for all the seemingly disparate things because it facilitates our concept of self-awareness, the awareness of our bodies and emotions and the desire. It lights up when they are compelled to accept any changes around them. It gives them a high when, they are famous (even infamous) or are loved by their peers and when juniors look up to them. At that age, they love to imagine that they are in control. But more often than not…the changing chemical composition of their brains control them.   

There was an incident that took place when I was in high school. My parents and I were invited by a family, whose son was a senior in my school. I met his parents and his grandmother. My first instinct was to touch the grandmother’s feet, because that’s what my parents have taught me all my life. The next day, I was the laughing stock of the school because touching the feet of elders wasn’t cool unless you were trying to impress the boy!!! This shook the very core of my belief. Very soon, I was termed a ‘nerd’ and ‘behenji’ in the school. I felt miserable for a while. When I look back to the time, I realise, there were just a few children, who liked being rude and others some how appreciated it and tried to emulate the same kind of behaviour. 

The world is full of disappointments, and sometimes people let you down. You can’t just run away. But still, many of us are permanently scarred by the experiences of our adolescence. There are little girls whom I know were bullied for their speech and avoided school for a long time. Just think of all the people you see on social media desperately trying to come across as the most popular. I have come across some college children, who gang up against smaller groups of students who speak a different language or belong to a different state and, find it very cool because it somehow makes them feel superior.

Vulnerability isn’t the opposite of strength. It’s a necessary part. We have to force ourselves to open up, to expose ourselves and stand up for the right. Some people are bullied for being dark skinned or being overweight, judged for not having a sense of humour etc. What is cool and what is uncool, is a perception of our mind. Too often, people stand by and do nothing for the people who suffer and I think, it’s time we change that. I have often heard people say “This is how it is”  or “Who cares?”. It has become easy for everyone to accept and succumb to despair and readily accept what is wrong. Since when is it OK to be rude or OK to laugh at someone for their problems? It only becomes “not ok” when it happens to themselves.. Why? Just because, “Kyunki main meri favourite hoon?”. 

For many, there comes a tumultuous time when their appearance,emotions, failure become such a bane of their existence. Let such talks stop.. Let’s be kind.. Let’s love more, appreciate more and accept more. Because there are no insults that are bizzarrely hilarious.

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